Whether you’re having it or not, it always complicates things.
This is why Men & Women Can’t Be Friends (in my opinion). Sex is always the elephant in the room.
I’d be lying if I said that recent events on The Bachelor didn’t influence this post.
It really got me thinking…and you know I do a lot of thinking.
If you’re not up to speed on The Bachelor (this season has been the biggest shit show yet), we just watched the overnight/Fantasy Suite dates.
Before Peter went to the Fantasy Suites with the other two women, Maddison told him she wouldn’t be able to get past it if he had sex with someone else. (She did fail to mention the little tidbit about saving herself for marriage, which probably would have helped Peter to understand just a little bit more.)
But Maddison, you did sign up to be on a show with a guy who banged Alabama Hannah FOUR times in one night in a windmill last season. Did you really think that his views on sex would match up with yours?
I get where she is coming from though. I would feel the same way.
How could you accept a proposal from someone who had JUST slept with 1-2 other women A FEW DAYS PRIOR?!?!?
Sex is obviously important to a relationship, but it’s just a bad idea to have it with anyone at this point.
Call me old fashioned, but when this show first started, I don’t think that it was the norm to have sex in the fantasy suites. Somewhere along the lines though, the tide turned.
Maybe it was happening the whole time, but people weren’t very open about it? I really don’t know.
Looking back on past seasons though, sex in the fantasy suites has caused A LOT of problems for quite a while.
Emily Maynard was upset that Brad Womack slept with the other woman. She said, “If you knew it was me the whole time (which is what he claimed), then there are certain things that should have been saved for just me.”
Nick Viall point blank asked Andi why she had sex with him if she wasn’t going to pick him. Valid question.
Have we really (as a society) become SO casual about sex?
Have we become so casual about it because we think that everyone else is so casual about it that we should be too? Do we all base our actions off of what we think other people are doing and so nobody is really acting in alignment with who they truly are/what feels right to them?
I think that’s a big part of the problem. We are all looking outside of ourselves to seek the answers and to gain the validation, but we really need to be looking inside. You already know the answers on what is right for you. You just have to listen to yourself and trust it. Nobody else can tell you what is right for you.
I did a (very scientific) poll the other day on Instagram, and I posed this question. The majority of people said, yes, we’re too casual about sex. The interesting part about that poll though was that the yes responses came from ALL age demographics. I really thought that the data might show a split between younger and older generations, but it did not.
I feel like whoever is The Bachelor/Bachelorette has to compartmentalize their relationships in order to get to the end of this. They are looking at it through a different lens than the rest of us…like “I’m having three separate relationships, but instead of them occurring back-to-back, they’re all just occurring at once, but basically it’s the same thing. It’s for a TV show, so that’s how they justify it. They look at it like it’s some kind of weird space-time-continuum thing. They’re cheating time to speed up the whole process of finding a partner.
But the relationships are not occurring in a vacuum.
And I have to wonder if the people in the fantasy suites are just sleeping with The Bachelor/Bachelorette because they feel like they’ll be at a disadvantage if they don’t? They assume the other people are sleeping with the person so they need to sleep with the person too?
In the real world, most of us (I hope) just date one person at a time. The relationship comes to a close. We move on and eventually move forward with someone else. Everyone has a past, and you cannot fault a person for that.
However, the key word here is PAST. On The Bachelor, the relationships are occurring simultaneously! It is ridiculous to think that you can just do whatever you want in one or more of those relationships without it negatively impacting the other relationships.
No matter what you do, it’s gonna fuck things up with the person you choose in the end.
Why does Peter REALLY need to sleep with all three women before he makes his choice? Shouldn’t the sex be saved for the one woman who he really loves/chooses in the end?
If the sex is bad and it’s a deal breaker, then dump her and move on.
Either way, I guess it’s a risk. Pick someone without being intimate and run the risk of poor physical chemistry.
Pick someone to propose to a FEW DAYS after having sex with two other people and run the risk of that destroying your relationship with the one you choose.
Peter really thought that he was gonna have his cake and eat it too. *Shakes My Head*
Maddison told him that it would be a deal breaker, and then he just went and did it anyway. (Still think he might be a sex addict.)
So you know what Maddison? You have your answer. If it was you, then he wouldn’t have slept with anyone else. Pick yourself up and walk out that door.
He really thought that he was gonna be able to manipulate her/change her mind/convince her to stay after he slept with the other people. LOL. Typical “do what I want and apologize later” behavior. I have seen that before.
Honestly, I’m still holding out hope that Maddison just leaves. She did NOT look happy at the rose ceremony AT ALL.
Peter, you’re definitely not ready for marriage. Who am I kidding though? Are any of these people ready for marriage?!?! Both Hannah Ann and Maddison are 23! Ladies, please go and live your lives a little more before you get married.
What’s really interesting to me about this whole thing, is that Luke P basically did the same thing last season and he was vilified for it. (He was vilified long before that actually.)
So why is it so different for a man to tell a woman that he can’t move forward if she has sex with other people, but everyone is behind Maddison when she said the same thing to Peter?
I guess your choices about sex are personal. Sex IS a big deal. You have to find a partner whose values line up with your own.
With Hannah and Luke P last season, their values didn’t line up. Instead of fighting about it and trying to get someone to see things your way (which isn’t going to happen), it’s time to just walk away.
Same thing with Maddison and Peter. Their core values do not align. It’s painfully obvious to all of the viewers. Maddi, he’s not the one for you.
I don’t really know what Hannah Ann is doing. I would just feel like second choice if I were her.
I don’t think there is a happy ending in store for this season.
Ok, wait. I take that back. I think the happy ending IS everyone going their separate ways and moving on from this train wreck.
So if that’s how this all plays out this week, I’ll be happy, and I think Maddison, Peter, and Hannah Ann will all be happier in the long run too.
If you enjoyed this, please take a minute to pin it! 🙂 It truly helps me out so much!